Welcome Baby Bennett!

I said in my 38 week update that it would probably be a couple more weeks. I was wrong. 

I was in labor less than 24 hours later, at 38 weeks and 4 days. 

At the beginning of last week we welcomed our baby boy and named him Bennett. 

We are loving getting to know him and figuring out what it means to be parents. 

Nothing could have prepared me for the spectrum of emotions, for how simultaneously wonderful and impossible this feels or for how much I love this tiny human. 

I mean come on look at that face.

Today, June 30, is kind of a big day.

1. It would have been Bennett's due date, had he not decided to come on out 10 days ago.

2. It's the last day of residency. All my forms are turned in. My badge and pager have been surrendered, I've done all the evaluations, signed the forms and been given a completion certificate. I'm a fully trained pediatrician.

3. In almost exactly 4 weeks we'll be leaving New Mexico and moving back to my hometown in Oregon.

It's the beginning of a brand new chapter in my life: as a Mom, as a doctor. I just feel like me, but with new responsibilities and roles, and I'm trying to figure out what that looks like. 

I'm putting the blog on a hiatus for a while. I'm not sure for how long, but as my life changes I'm not sure about my goals for this space and want to give myself a chance to decide how, and if, it will fit in. 

Thank you so much to all of you who have read, supported, commented and been a part of this creative outlet for me.

So for a while: Thanks for reading, see you soon.

Pregnancy Update: 38 Weeks

Term! This baby probably won't be here for 2 or so more weeks, but he could come any time now and that just seems crazy. 

It was surprising to us all that I did weekly updates as long as I did, but I did skip last week - I had a really busy weekend with our residency graduation ceremony! Although I have some more work to do, the end of residency is feeling very real.

Bump: This week I'm wearing a Motherhood Maternity Dress.

1. How far along are you? 

38 weeks

2. How big is baby? 

Apparently a winter melon. Can we all just agree he's the size of a baby? Estimated weight on my app is 6.61 pounds, but really at this point the range could be anywhere from 6-9 pounds. I haven't had a size estimate since my 26 week anatomy ultrasound. At that point he was 80th percentile, but that doesn't necessarily mean much now.

3. Total weight gain/loss

I had a total gain of 21 pounds at my last update. My gain was slow for a couple weeks. Well, I always make up for it. At the next visit I had gained 4 (in a week apparently!) up to 25 pounds. Then the past couple weeks I've gained a pound each, so overall pretty healthy. I feel like I'm able to eat ok still, though I can't eat a lot of volume at once.

4. Purchases

No big purchases, but our big Target order arrived and everything is set up, washed and ready. He can arrive any time!

5. Sleep

Still some insomnia, but mostly sleeping fine. I hear about women who completely stop sleeping well at this stage and I'm definitely still getting my rest so I consider myself very blessed.

6. Symptoms

LOTS of Braxton-Hicks contractions. Swelling is also getting worse, especially since it's literally 80 degrees by 8 AM (and 100 by 12) this week and the heat really makes me puffy. I'm also just big - it's definitely a challenge to get up when I'm lying down. 

7. Rings on or off?

Off. I'm still wearing my substitute ring that's a little bigger in place of my wedding band, though now with the increased swelling, I think it's time to take that one off too.

8. Belly button in or out?

Out. Definitely out. In the past couple weeks it definitely looks more like I expected it to in pregnancy. Like a classic outie that's been streeeetched.

9. Food cravings

Fruit all the time. Also we had a Father's Day/Baby shower BBQ hosted by John's work and look at this cake! Completely homemade by the wife of someone in his department.

10. Fitness

Luna and I walk regularly and I'm still going to yoga. Last week we walked down from our house to the Pride parade, about a mile each way, and it definitely felt like an effort, though some of that was probably the heat. 

11. Feelings and Mood

I was feeling a little stressed this week with what I had accomplished for research, which is the rotation I'm technically on right now. As it turned out, I had a lot of pieces done, but they were separated enough I was feeling like I wasn't close to combining it into something helpful. Turns out I wasn't so far away and was able to submit a (albeit very rough) draft to my PI this week so we can work on our next steps. That really helped me feel a lot more calm. I haven't cried in a long time: I fear the moodiness has gone dormant and is going to come raging out at an inopportune time. 

12. Pregnancy Perks and Snarks

Nothing stands out. I mean I'm super pregnant and it's pretty uncomfortable, so I could snark about that but I think I'm probably more comfortable than a lot of people at this stage, so I feel like I shouldn't. 

13. Best moment this week

John's work had a BBQ for us on Friday (see the cake above) and it was really nice to get to spend some time with his coworkers. John labelled the bump with his little name tag: Future Structural Engineer. We'll let him pick his career path of course haha.

And that's it - thanks for reading my 38 week update, see you soon.

Pregnancy Update: 36 Weeks

It's a milestone this week in that we're close enough to term if he came right now (and were otherwise well) he could go to the regular nursery and not the NICU or transitional nursery, so that's pretty exciting. Other highlights this week include installing the car seat and making an online order that includes everything we'll need before he arrives. Hard to believe we're only 4 weeks from the due date.

Bump: This week I'm wearing an H&M shirt and some regular pre-pregnancy leggings. I just wear them under the bump and find them much more comfortable than the pregnancy kind with a panel since it's so hot outside. 

1. How far along are you? 

36 weeks

2. How big is baby? 

The size of a papaya. Estimated weight on my app is 5.73 pounds. 

3. Total weight gain/loss

As of my 34 week appointment I had gained 21 pounds total. At my appointment this week I was the same weight as at 34 weeks, so it's still 21 pounds total, though only 1 pound in the past 4 weeks. I was having some more trouble with appetite and heartburn in the past couple weeks, but I bet I'll see a gain this week. 

4. Purchases

We made rather a large purchase from Target and a couple things from Amazon in order to get everything we need for his arrival. There are several items we do eventually want, but have chosen not to buy now because we're going to be moving so quickly after delivery. These include a crib and a glider. We'll just be using a Pack and Play until we get to our new home. Most things are still being shipped, but I'm starting to feel pretty ready from a supply standpoint.

5. Sleep

I was awake a lot in the middle of the night this week. Oh well, it's still probably more sleep than I'll get once he's here.

6. Symptoms

I haven't had any really bad heartburn episodes, just smaller ones, since my last post. I'm starting to really feel the Braxton-Hicks contractions this week. I had noticed the occasional one in the past few weeks, but nothing very notable until recently. 

7. Rings on or off?

Off. I'm still wearing my substitute ring that's a little bigger in place of my wedding band.

8. Belly button in or out?

Out.

9. Food cravings

It's either super sweet or super healthy. I made some cookies this week but also really enjoyed this salad:

Cabbage, romaine, carrot, peanuts, edamame, cilantro, dry crumbled ramen noodles and sesame ginger dressing.

10. Fitness

I don't think I'm going to be taking up any new activities at this point. I'm still doing yoga at home, and trying to do plenty of walking. It's in the 90s outside now during the day now though so I have to plan it in the morning or go to the gym, otherwise it's a little too hot. 

11. Feelings and Mood

I'm doing well. With our big purchase this week and the car seat installed I feel like I'm getting ready and that's allowing me to just feel excited. I still want him to stay in there for at least a couple more weeks - for both our sakes - but it's starting to feel really close. 

12. Pregnancy Perks and Snarks

I hope to write a separate post about this once I'm done with the pregnancy so I can give a complete update, but I've actually really enjoyed having a varied but limited wardrobe. A pregnancy capsule wardrobe if you will. If you look back through update posts, you've probably seen me in pretty much every pregnancy outfit I have. It's plenty of items and combinations, but actually only 25 items in my regular wardrobe, plus 4 more in activewear. I guess you could count a couple non-pregnancy dresses that I could wear in the second trimester if you wanted and bring the total up to 30, but they don't fit anymore. I've been toying with the idea of trying a capsule wardrobe once I'm back in regular clothes, and it's only convincing me more. It's just so easy to get dressed.

13. Best moment this week

John and I went on a date to Farina this week. It's a nice atmosphere, pizzas and pastas/wine bar kind of place. We hadn't been on a date just because in quite a while and it was really nice. We're also aware that our time for that kind of thing may be pretty limited very soon, so that made it even more special.

And that's it - thanks for reading my 36 week update, see you soon.

Pregnancy Update: 35 Weeks

I'm a little late on my post this week. Usually I write these over the weekend, and it's Wednesday, but the Memorial weekend just got away from me. 

Bump: This is a Motherhood Maternity tank top with navy H&M maternity shorts. John thought the front-view photo this week was kind of funny because it's harder than usual to tell I'm pregnant in the black shirt when in fact I am very pregnant.

1. How far along are you? 

35 weeks

2. How big is baby? 

A pineapple. Estimated weight according to my app is 5.07 pounds. Apparently my uterus is now 1000 times it's normal size - pregnancy is super weird.

3. Total weight gain/loss

As of my 34 week appointment I had gained 21 pounds total. I'll have another update on that at the 36 week appointment.

4. Purchases

I bought this nursing bra over the weekend in black. I already had the blush colored one and it's the only one I can stand to wear regularly - anything with underwire or a non-elastic band is super uncomfortable - so it was time to get another one I could trade out for the one I've been constantly wearing. The sizing is kind of weird - I'm an XL but I'm not a very big person, and it doesn't match up with their size chart at all. 

5. Sleep

Sleep was mostly better this week compared to last week. I was awake for shorter stretches in the middle of the night. It's still not a solid night's sleep, but I've pretty much accepted those days are over for the foreseeable future.

6. Symptoms

I had a couple really painful episodes of heartburn this week. That was new and really kind of awful - they each lasted 3 or 4 hours despite taking medicine. I couldn't lie down or get comfortable and sometimes threw up. At least they weren't consistent and most meals I had no problem. I should just be grateful I haven't been dealing with that throughout the whole time. I did have some decreased appetite as well. My baby is still really high and there's just a lot of compromising for space to breathe, eat and grow a baby at the same time. 

7. Rings on or off?

Off. I'm still wearing a substitute ring that's a little bigger in place of my wedding band and it's very comfortable.

8. Belly button in or out?

We decided a couple weeks ago that it's out. 

9. Food cravings

Comfort foods and healthy things. Here's one of our dinners from this week: tofu cauliflower lasagna and a kale salad. In the morning I've been mostly drinking smoothies.

10. Fitness

I didn't try anything new this week, but did some walking and yoga like usual.

11. Feelings and Mood

I was kind of chill this week I think. I'm not sure this category is fair - I should probably have John answer this question every week. My self-assessment may be inaccurate at this stage. Really though, we had some car trouble (ended up hanging out in a Smith's parking lot for over 2 hours and getting it towed) and I think I was pretty calm about it. Maybe that was the Oreos. 

12. Pregnancy Perks and Snarks

I really can't think of anything for this category this week. No particular positives or negatives that stood out. 

13. Best moment this week

We went to a couple parties over the weekend - a gender reveal party for another pregnant friend (hers is a boy too!) and a BBQ on Sunday that were both really fun. Nothing really to do with pregnancy, just getting out and being social. 

And that's it - thanks for reading my 35 week update, see you soon.

Pregnancy Update: 34 Weeks

Highlights this week include my 34 week appointment, a breakfast date and lots of studying. A big thanks to whoever linked one of last week's photos on Pinterest, what a compliment!

Bump: Today's dress is from Motherhood Maternity and is also one I bought very early on and have been wearing throughout particularly for work.

1. How far along are you? 

34 weeks

2. How big is baby? 

A butternut squash (which seems enormous?!). Estimated weight according to my app is 4.63 pounds. 

3. Total weight gain/loss

At the 32 week appointment I had gained 20 pounds total. As of my 34 week appointment this week I gained 1 more pound, so I'm now up 21 pounds total. Of course when you're dealing in that small a number it varies by time of day, water retention etc. I think the point is that my weight gain still seems to be healthy, and really that's all that matters.

4. Purchases

Again we didn't make any purchases this week. We're planning to order or shop for the rest of the essentials pretty soon. I think I have enough warm weather pregnancy clothes to make it through the next 6 weeks and I'm so far totally okay wearing the same outfits every week - I'd rather save money now for some more nursing compatible clothes I'll need in the future and other expenses we have coming up.

5. Sleep

Objectively sleep is a lot worse this week, but it doesn't bother me a lot since I have the flexibility in my schedule to rest when I need to during the day. I do realize how completely blessed I am to be spending these last few weeks with such a self-directed schedule. I fall asleep fairly easily, but I'm waking up a lot more and almost always staying awake between 1.5-3 hours in the middle of the night. About 3 times this week I woke up around 2:30 or 3 AM and just stayed awake and got up with John at 5. 

6. Symptoms

I had a really painful neck strain this weekend but who knows if that was pregnancy related or would have happened anyway. My hands and feet do swell in the heat, so usually they'll be a little swollen after I walk Luna, but otherwise they're pretty normal. I'm also just bigger. I really noticed it this weekend when my neck was hurting - how much effort it takes me to sit or stand from lying down. I'm sure that's only going to get much worse.

7. Rings on or off?

Off. I'm still wearing a substitute ring that's a little bigger in place of my wedding band and it's very comfortable.

8. Belly button in or out?

We decided last week that it's out. 

9. Food cravings

Most of what I'm craving is healthy, but I do feel like my cravings are getting more specific. Not weird foods, but I'll really want a particular meal at a particular time. 

We went to Tia B's La Waffleria this weekend for a breakfast date. There's a build your own option as well but I chose the Bombay Coconut. It's vegan and gluten free. This place has been here a while and is super close to our house but for some reason we haven't tried it before.

I also got a soy London Fog

10. Fitness

I did a lot less exercise this week if I'm objective about it. I walk Luna regularly, and also still walked to campus 3 days last week, but even when I did yoga it was a little lighter and more stretching and breathing than really strengthening. I have goals for this week - obviously I'm not becoming any kind of athlete, but I'm more productive in studying and my other tasks if I exercise too so I have some plans.

11. Feelings and Mood

I was a little moodier this week. I'm still mostly happy but I definitely have a harder time bouncing back from a disappointment or a stress. Or more often a problem I've made up in my head.

12. Pregnancy Perks and Snarks

My baby's movements are big enough now they're easy to see from the outside when you look at my belly. That's been going on for a while but it seems more dramatic now. This week I took advantage of it to send a video to my sisters, which I'm sure they found completely creepy. You're welcome.

13. Best moment this week

I met John for lunch in the middle of the work day one day this past week. I had been having a hard day and it was really helpful. I think I was kind of down during the actual meal, I doubt it was a highlight of the week for John but it was really great for me because it turned my day around.

And that's it - thanks for reading my 34 week update, see you soon.

Pregnancy Update: 33 Weeks

Highlights this week include a lot of days when I didn't really get dressed because I was studying at home.

Bump: This week I'm sporting a Stitch Fix dress again. I'm dressed up for our baby shower, which I'll write about another time.

1. How far along are you? 

33 weeks

2. How big is baby? 

A bunch of celery or cauliflower. Estimated weight according to my app is 4.19 pounds. 

3. Total weight gain/loss

I've gained 20 pounds total as of the 32 week appointment, with an 8 pound gain in the past 4 weeks. I'll have another update on this next week since I'm now to every-2-week appointments.

4. Purchases

We didn't make any purchases but we had a baby shower and received lots of gifts which was really wonderful. In the next few weeks we'll be buying the rest of the essentials to have before he arrives. I'm kind of looking forward to working on the "supplies" preparation because it feels like a very tangible way to help me feel ready.

5. Sleep

I had more middle-of-the-night insomnia this week. A few times when I woke up at night I couldn't go back to sleep for an hour or 2. 

6. Symptoms

I'm feeling overall pretty good this week. I think a little more regular exercise has been helping avoid aches and pains. The most noticeable thing now is just how pronounced his movements are - I can feel him a lot more when I'm not paying attention than I used to. I'm also having that classic "nesting" feeling and find myself wanting to organize and get rid of things.

7. Rings on or off?

Off. I sorted through my jewelry the other day and found a kind of simple inexpensive ring that's bigger than my regular ones so I started wearing that instead.

8. Belly button in or out?

I'm going to call it out. It doesn't look like I expected it to, which may seem weird that I had a mental image of what by belly button would look like in pregnancy, but turns out I did. It's flipped out, but it's not uniformly flipped out. It's like flat with a hat.

9. Food cravings

It's still smoothies and vegetables. I also made this Summer Curried Corn Chowder this week that was really good.

10. Fitness

This week I've been walking a long loop around the golf course more regularly but I didn't go to the gym at all, and I'm still doing yoga for my strength training but often it's only 10 minutes a day. I'd like to do a bit more this week.  

11. Feelings and Mood

I'm really doing pretty well and feeling mostly happy. Instead of moody or cranky, I'm finding that when I'm not feeling happy the negative emotion is anxiety. I'm worry about a lot of things and I think I get overwhelmed more easily.

12. Pregnancy Perks and Snarks

As I mentioned, we had a baby shower hosted by a friend from church this week. A bunch of our friends came and it was just really nice - we felt very supported.

13. Best moment this week

There were a lot of great moments this week that were small things - we're really just enjoying these last few weeks of our very quiet lives. I think the best moments this week were my long walks. They helped calm my mind, I always take Luna and she's always really happy to be walking and it makes me feel active and healthy.

And that's it - thanks for reading my 33 week update, see you soon.

Pregnancy Update: 32 Weeks

Highlights this week include a big weight gain, Mother's Day and some mood swings.

Bump: This week I'm wearing a Motherhood Maternity sweatshirt I've had since pretty early on. It's surprisingly cool today considering the 80 degree temperatures of the past week.

1. How far along are you? 

32 weeks

2. How big is baby? 

An squash or Florida pomelo. Estimated weight according to my app is 3.75 pounds. 

3. Total weight gain/loss

Finally time for an update! 

At my 32 week appointment last week I had gained 8 pounds since my previous one, or 20 pounds total. While the total weight gain is great, I was a little worried about that much gain in just 4 weeks, or 2 pounds a week. My weight gain pattern throughout this pregnancy has been a very small gain over 4 weeks, then a large gain at the following appointment over the next 4 weeks. Even though I knew this logically, it was maybe the first time in this whole pregnancy I'd really felt some negative body image. 

I haven't really talked yet about why I don't weigh myself between appointments. Some pregnancy resources mention you should weigh yourself every 1-2 weeks to make sure weight gain is healthy. It's fairly optional though and I choose to only be monitored at my doctor's appointments. As many of you likely know I've been unhealthfully preoccupied with weight at some points in the past. This has been much improved in the past 3 years, but I knew pregnancy was a time when those feelings might come back, between weight gain and rapid changes in my body. For that reason, I knew my body confidence and health would likely be best served by eating intuitively and letting my doctor watch my weight. 

I'm still extremely happy with this decision, and my doctor isn't worried about the recent gain. Some negativity lasted for about a day, and then I got over it. I think I was a little disappointed to find that the scale still could affect my mood like that, when I've been overall feeling beautiful and healthy. 

I'm trying to be reasonably conscious of what I'm eating and just wait to see how it looks at the 34 week appointment. If I need to make larger changes at that point to keep the weight gain healthy I will.

4. Purchases

I had to look back at my transactions because I couldn't remember this week. I didn't personally make any specific baby purchases, but we did get some new things.

We got Luna groomed, which is a gift to ourselves because it way cuts down the dog hair in the house, but it's not technically a baby/pregnancy purchase I guess.

John bought me this outfit for our baby as a gift. It's so cute.

Available here from Amazon

5. Sleep

I'm experiencing a tiny bit more insomnia this week and more aches and pains. I'm definitely changing sleeping positions a lot more often because of that, but overall I'm getting enough rest.

6. Symptoms

I started swelling in the last half of this week occasionally in my hands and feet. I'm also still feeling the occasional reflux. It isn't really heartburn - it doesn't hurt - I can just feel the refluxing. Last night I fell asleep a little too soon after eating I think and woke up with that sensation about 3 hours later and had to sit up for a while. Pregnancy brain is also really strong this week. I'm mixing up words and at least twice I've taken my foot off the brake without putting my car in park and rolled into a curb while trying to stop. I've also noted the regular pregnancy clumsiness seems to have increased a bit. I broke a bowl this morning.

7. Rings on or off?

Off! Most of the time my hands are completely normal and the rings fit fine, but there were a couple instances when it seems like it might be hard to get them off, and I don't want to worry about that, so I took them off. It also makes it even easier to moisturize my itchy skin without worrying about getting lotions into my rings. 

8. Belly button in or out?

Flat? It's still somewhere in between.

9. Food cravings

Smoothies and vegetables. It's hot enough now I'm mostly wanting cold things. And I usually crave something sweet every day. 

10. Fitness

There were a couple days this week when I was planning to walk outside and the day crept up on me and got too hot, but mostly I've been doing a variety of gym, yoga and walking. I don't have specific goals for the coming week, I just want to keep being active every day. 

11. Feelings and Mood

Mostly the week was fine, but I had a super moody day on Friday. I was just feeling really overwhelmed and really just let it be a not-very-productive day. Once John got home for the day I felt better, and I've felt fine since, ready to tackle the coming week.

12. Pregnancy Perks and Snarks

See my Mother's Day post for a couple quick highlights from my (sort-of?) first Mother's Day. I hadn't really thought the day applied to me, but there have been happy wishes and presents and it's been really nice.

13. Best moment this week

John's been reading to me and my belly this week and I've been enjoying that time. It's relaxing and our baby usually moves while he's talking.

And that's it - thanks for reading my 32 week update, see you soon.