Monday, September 12, 2011

Melancholy Monday

I just read Krista's post (My Journey to a Healthy Berg) which mentioned that she was originally going to complain about the fact that it's Monday, but she changed her attitude.

She's great. Inspired.

I however, my cherished readers, am not so shiny today, and I'm going for it with the mopey Monday post.

It's bright sunshine, but the sun feels malicious today. Like it's just trying to burn me and make me a sweaty mess. Check and check. Thanks Sun. 

I woke up with a frown and stubbed my toe on my bed.

I ran this morning, but I just felt anxious the whole time. No good reason. It wasn't anxiety about my day or my run. Non-localized anxiety. It's the worst - I don't know how to fix it.  

I went to the hospital, where I'm on my third week of inpatient pediatrics, which I love in theory. I'm reminding myself today that I like it, because if we took today as an isolated day, I would just hate everything. Everyone was nice. I did an admission and the 2 or 3 questions I forgot to ask in my history-taking became a way bigger deal than they actually are. I found myself thinking, "Gosh, you really suck at this."

I believe I'm supposed to be planning my wedding. I feel like the worst fiancee ever because I'm frustrated with it and the fact that we don't have a place or much of anything finished and nothing's quite right and I think I'm taking it out on John, who's been nothing but supportive and doing a ton of work himself. 

And I ate a pretty substantial amount of peanut butter directly from the jar. With maple syrup, because that's what I do. I feel a little sick. It's that kind of day. 

I now ought to study. No matter how much I do, it won't ever feel like enough.

Melancholy Monday indeed. 

Now everyone click over to Krista's and read something that's not depressing. 

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