It feels like I'm studying all the time, though I know I'm not, and when I'm not for a second it's just nothing but guilt. (Like now, or earlier today when I racked up 20 wins on Facebook's Tetris Battle - don't start. It'll suck you in.)
I started getting headaches. I don't get headaches.
Sometimes the video on my review lectures goes out of focus. At first I thought it was the video; now I think it's probably my eyes. Not to worry, I'm eating plenty of carrots.
I get sad when I realize I've already showered on a given day because that's the one time I'm not trying to take studying with me.
I'm drinking coffee like it's falling from the sky.
I no longer listen to music while I run - I listen to audio reviews of pathology. Also while I cook. And play Tetris Battle.
And Nora got a flat tire yesterday, so that chops my built-in daily activity to none. It also made me realize I hadn't driven my car in over a week, which is actually kind of awesome. I need to get that fixed.
Endorphins = functional person. No endorphins = this depressing study dungeon takes over my psyche.
And the worst part? It feels like every piece of information I cram into my brain means something else falls out. I don't actually theoretically believe my brain has a limited capacity, yet I am somehow experiencing it.
Are we sick of my whining? I kind of am. I mean, I chose this right?
Alternatively, I could say to myself, "What an awesome opportunity. You get to take an enormous test that allows you to go onto the wards and work with the team and treat patients. You're becoming a doctor, and all of this is important."
That said, people say this is the hardest I'll study in my life, and no matter how positively I try to spin it, I really really hope that's true.
At least I'm not alone. I don't know what I would do without my roomies, friends and classmates with whom to study, and lament. And my wonderful family and Boyfriend (and now you - thanks) to listen to me whine. They're the only reason I haven't just smashed that coffee cup over my head yet.
So, this much-needed brain break is just about up, but here's a little montage of recent brain fuel.
Breakfasts: Yogurt bowls.
Lunch: Mexican Salad, Almond Butter and Raspberry Jam on Oatmeal Bread
Dinner: Black Bean and Sweet Potato Chili (recipe to come), Roasted Root Veggie Chili Mac
Quick, tell me something awesome you're doing! Or mediocre. Anything really. Tell me anything.